Drowning
by Kirabaros
Summary: The companion piece to Breaking Rules. From the POV of Alistair as he views his fellow Grey Warden. Will take place within the larger fic Duty of Ingeritance. Lyrics from Keep Me Drowning by the Backstreet Boys. Alistair/Fem Mahariel. Reviews are welcome.


**Drowning**

He was not sure when he started falling for her. Could it have been as early as the first time they met? He did not know. All he knew was that she had him captured. She the hunter had caught him like the many animals she caught along their journey. He cast a glance at her tent and saw that she was studying again. He smiled as she twirled one of the loose locks of hair before fingering the pendants that hung on her neck.

He did not know what to make of her when they first met but when she made her joke about shooting him in the arse, he laughed. Their banter was light hearted and he thought that maybe she would be a friend. Even when she would run off alone into the wilds, he would watch and worry. Probably more than he should have.

**Don't pretend you're sorry**

**I know you're not**

**You know you got the power**

**To make me weak inside**

**Girl you leave me breathless**

**But it's okay 'cause you are my survival**

She did not have to but she did and coaxed him into talking about Duncan. She flipped him a copper and asked him to tell her about it. It did feel good to talk about it and he admitted that he harbored guilt about not being there. Oh she could have been practical about it but she allowed herself to show that gentle side he saw when she was tending the sick Mabari. He found himself telling her more about his life growing up in the stables at Redcliffe and then being shipped off to the Chantry.

He needed to talk and figured that she would be a sympathetic ear. He thought that she would not remember anything he told her. She adhered to her own rules and one was duty. She had made that clear when she was recruited. Yet he thought he could see something beneath the surface, that the face of duty was a means to hide her own pain. He found that out when he returned the copper she gave him and asked for her thoughts. That cemented a bond as fellow Wardens.

**Now hear me say**

**I can't imagine**

**Life without your love**

**And even forever don't seem like long enough**

He watched as she tossed and turned. He knew she was having nightmares about the darkspawn. It was the same he had. When he awoke, he decided to explain to her. She looked at him with those hazel green eyes absorbing what he said. She thanked him for telling her. Of course he covered by telling her he was there to deliver bad news and witty one liners. He could not admit even to himself that he was interested in her

He hated himself for telling her the sacrifice for drinking darkspawn blood. It must have seemed like a betrayal to her: Duncan saving her from the taint only to have her life shortened by the Joining. He saw the look in her eyes and he wanted to do something, say something to help her. The only thing he could do was place a hand on her shoulder and he waited for her to do something like slap his hand away or even walk away but she stayed and placed her hand over his. She then said she understood.

'**Cause every time I breathe and take you in**

**And my heart beats again**

**Baby I can't help it**

**You keep me drowning in your love**

**Every time I try to rise above**

**I'm swept away by love**

**Baby I'm can't help it**

**You keep me drowning in your love**

He had picked it in Lothering while wandering through the Chantry garden. She was with Leliana trying to convince the revered mother to release the Qunari. It was just growing there on a bush that looked dead yet it was very much alive. He was reminded of her, a beautiful creature standing amidst the darkness that was coming. He blushed at the thought that she was beautiful and instantly felt the reminders of his upbringing in the Chantry.

He gave it to her after they saved the arl and his family. He felt like an idiot asking her if she knew what it was but it seemed the best way to start talking to her. Of course she teased him about it being a weapon and he went along with it. He had to tell her that she was a rare and wonderful thing in this world falling into darkness. Her response was as he expected since she persisted in being the leader and hiding behind her duty. He felt like an idiot for hiding behind his mask of humor. For a moment, he saw a flicker in her eyes and wondered if he did anything wrong. He felt he could never do or say anything that sounded right to her.

**Maybe I'm a drifter**

**Maybe not**

'**Cause I have known the safety **

**Of floating freely in your arms**

**I don't need another lifeline**

**It's not for me**

'**Cause only you can save me**

**Oh can't you see**

He had to tell her. She had the right to know yet there was a part of him that enjoyed her not knowing. He wanted to be known just him and not the bastard son of a king. Yet when they went to Redcliffe, he knew that she should know and he knew that people talked. He took her aside and tried to tell her. It never occurred to him that she would not care since she was Dalish. He always forgot that because all he saw was her. She was calm when he revealed it to her and he even joked about his unholy love of cheese when she asked him if that was all. That was a big mistake.

He had been put down all his life and he had no illusions of taking the throne. He told her as much yet she was cold to him. He had the sense to realize that she was angry with him. When he tried to speak to her, she became the leader, the commander and not the caring friend. He appealed to Leliana and he finally got her alone to talk. He saw that he had hurt her by assuming that she would think different of him. It surprised him when she broke her mask and punched him in the chest and told him never to lie to her again. From then on he made that a promise and he smiled as he rubbed the spot where she punched him.

**I can't imagine**

**Life without your love**

**And even forever**

**Don't seem like long enough**

The first time he asked to go hunting with her, she seemed surprised. It surprised him too and if he had admitted it, it would be because he wanted to be with her. When she gave a toss of her head to come, he followed. That night, he had his first lesson as a hunter.

Sure he knew how to hunt but she taught him how to move, how to listen and how to open his eyes. She showed him how to make the bow a part of him. He could not help but relish the feel of her touch, so gentle and firm. She must have known how it felt for she blushed and withdrew her hands. By then the game had gone away but it did not matter. He gazed at her and he was tempted to bring his lips down on hers when they were interrupted by a yelping. She went over to find out the source of the noise leaving him to sigh. Those moments were too short but he treasured them. He knew then that he was falling for her. It was evident when she shoved a wolf pup into his arms and told him to take care of it. It sounded like an order but she had smiled and he knew that her desire was his command.

'**Cause every time I breathe I take you in**

**And my heart beats again**

**Baby I can't help it**

**You keep me drowning in your love**

**Every time I try to rise above**

**I'm swept away by love**

**Baby I can't help it**

**You keep me drowning in your love**

She had heard him and she had listened. She had remembered about the amulet. He told her that he was surprised that she remembered. Seeing the brief look of hurt, he hastily said that he was not used to people listening to what he had to say. She countered by saying that of course she remembered because he was special to her.

He knew that she had surprised herself when she said it and it showed when she bit her lower lip. He found that endearing and told her that being with her was the one bright spot out of everything that has happened so far. She said nothing but smiled hesitantly as she took the amulet and fastened it around his neck. He waited for her to say something but she just stared at his neck, particularly at his Warden's pendant. He boldly reached up and touched her pendant fingering the handiwork he had done to incorporate her Dalish roots with the symbol of the Grey Wardens. He mentioned that he had her Dalish roots in mind when he made it for her. She then gave him a chaste kiss on his cheek and ran away like a shy deer. He was swept away by feelings that he knew were real. Every time he tried to deny them, she was there to bring it all back. Maker's breath!

**Go on and pull me under**

**Cover me with dreams, yeah**

**Love me mouth to mouth now**

**You know I can't resist**

'**Cause you're the air that I breathe**

He had to ask her how she felt. Of course he could not just come out and say it. He had to use a joke. Of course she saw right through it and grabbed the bull by the horns. It was then he admitted that he had come to care for her a great deal. He then asked her if she felt the same way. He was waiting for the proverbial ax to fall and tell him that he was fooling himself.

She then told him that she thought she could. He could not help it and he gently cradled the back of her head and pressed his lips to hers. Her lips tasted sweet and warm as he coaxed her mouth open. He brushed his thumb gently on her ear, tracing the edge to the delicate point. He wanted to take in more of her as he breathed in her scent but he remembered his upbringing and broke the kiss asking her if it was too soon. It was a good sign that she said she liked it. He could not resist telling her how beautiful she was and becoming embarrassed, he broke it off.

'**Cause every time I breathe and take you in**

**And my heart beats again**

**Baby I can't help it**

**You keep me drowning in your love**

**Every time I try to rise above**

**I'm swept away by love**

**Baby I can't help it**

**You keep me drowning in your love**

Standing looking at the lake he wondered if he had done the right thing in admitting his love for her. He knew that he unnerved her and she reacted like she did when he told her about her pendant. She retreated into her tent and hid behind her books. He looked down at the wolf pup that she handed off to him and asked what he should do about it. Of course the little whine was of little encouragement and he sighed. Trying to tell her how he felt was like trying to touch a wild creature and he loved her for that. Being herself was what endeared her to him. If only he could tell her that without sounding like a complete idiot. He then noticed something on the far side and an idea came to him.

She was in her tent reading but he felt that she would put it aside to go look out at the lake. After all the least he could do was give her something to remember before they headed into Orzamar. He also wanted to admit how he felt about her; he wanted to tell her that he meant it when he said that he loved her. It pleased him that she agreed to come with him and she allowed him to lead her to the lake. His heart was beating wildly as he led her to the edge and pointed out what he found and it beat faster when he saw the smile on her face.

It was the little things that had brought out her smile. He gently traced the tattoos on her face, trying hard not to frighten her away. He then proceeded to tell her that being near her made him crazy and he admitted that he could not imagine being without her. She listened and then she smiled. He was drowning and he knew that there was no going back.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Here is the companion piece to Breaking Rules. Lyrics are from Keep Me Drowning in Your Love by the Backstreet Boys. All DA: Origins characters are the property of Bioware and affiliates.


End file.
